These Tears
by Shannan
Summary: basically, mimi goes thru a teenagers version of a midlife crisis, and thinks that theres no reason to live anymore, b-cuz the guy she's in love with claims he loves another. based on a true life- my own. this is my sad sob story.
1. ch1

I look down at my tear sodden pillow, and once again think to myself that I should get over my problems. I mean, really. How childish can I be? I don't get what I want, and I throw a fit and a half about it, and cry like a baby. The only problem was that I couldn't get rid of this certain problem very easily. Because to get rid of this problem, I'd have to get rid of the one and only person I loved most in the entire world. Yamato.  
  
Yeah, okay, so it sounds harsher than it really is, but try to look at it from my point of view. I come back to Japan after 4 years of living in America, ready to tell my all time crush and love how I really feel about him, and then I find out that he's going out with some hoe from the cheerleading team. Yeah, okay, so I used to be a cheerleader. Hell, if I hadn't left New York, I still would be. But this girl, she's just so. eww. She's a major dog. Seriously. So what am I supposed to do? The only thing I can think of after watching Romeo + Juliet and crying for 3 hours, is the only thing that Romeo + Juliet could think of. Death.  
  
Yeah, it sounds like a desperate and permanent solution to a temporary problem, but nothing else in the world means anything to me. I live only for Yamato, and now that someone else has claimed him. there's nothing left for me in this world. Thinking this, I trudge into my kitchen, and grab the sharpest knife that I can find. I walk back up to my room, wondering if I should leave a note, and decide against the idea. I don't want everyone to know that I killed myself because of a guy. I put the blade against my wrist, and as I prepare to slash at my skin, the doorbell rings.  
  
***  
  
Gee, someone forgot to take their happy pills this morning... ^^; hope you likes! there will be more! I promise! review!! 


	2. ch2

I sit still as if the person pressing the bell can sense my movement. I debate with myself on whether I should answer the door, but not once do I think of removing the knife from my wrist. The doorbell rings again, and I finally decide to answer it and tell the unanimous person to go to hell and leave me alone. I set the knife down on my bed and trudge to the front door. I swing it open angrily, ready to tell the little trick off, and find myself standing face to face (well, face to chest) with the one person that I was going to give my life for.  
  
"Matt! What are you doing here?" I ask in shock. I mean, really, wouldn't you be shocked if you were gonna kill yourself cuz of a guy, and he shows up right before you do it? 'Maybe he's here to tell me that he broke up with Cara, and that he's finally realized that he's loved me all along,' I think excitedly. He leans against the door jam and gives me one of his beautiful smiles while running his hand thru his blonde hair. 'He looks like a god...'  
  
"Well, actually Mimi," he starts off. For the first time ever, he's nervous. Well, at least he looks like it. "Y'see, I was wondering... if maybe you could... uh... go out with me..." my heart leaps in excitement, then falls to my stomach at his next words. "And help me pick out something for Cara for our 2 month anniversary." Matt says, giving me somewhat of a sheepish smile as I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Well, cuz you're, like, one of my best friends, and I know you'll know just what to get her." He gives me a pleading smile, and I breakdown right there in front of him.  
  
"What the hell are you? BLIND? Can you not see me dying every time you even mention Cara? My god! I'm in love with you! I have been in love with you ever since the first day I met you! And now, 5 years later, you still insist on paying ignorant and ignore my feelings! Or do you really not know!" I cry out in exasperation. He gapes at me with a look that confirms the latter of the 2 reasons he didn't return my love. I try to stop the tears that form in my eyes, but they simply ignore my mind's orders, as does my mouth when I urge myself to stop yelling.  
  
"Matt, I have been looking for my whole life for my true love. You're it. but you didn't even know! God. I would DIE for you! I would walk on hot coals for you! I would do anything you asked or told me to do!! And yet, even while people tell you, you don't know that I love you. I. god, this is my fault. I should never have answered the door. I should have just gotten it over with." I say, and turn around quickly and try to shut the door.  
  
He stops the door with his foot and grabs my arm. He pulls me back to him and asks me in a fierce whisper, "Get WHAT over with?" I turn my head and try to pull away, but he simply pulls me back and puts his arms around me to restrain me. I cry out, terrified of what he'd say if I told him, and terrified of my own answer; of the own prospect of the situation. "Mimi! Get WHAT over with?!" He asks me again, his voice louder and harsher.  
  
"Ow! Matt, you're hurting me! Stop! Let me go!" I cry, trying desperately to get away from the angry guy that I was in love with and scared of at the same time.  
  
"Not until you tell me." He says, staring at me, his eyes boring into mine. I wince, and jerk away from him suddenly. He looses his grip on me, and I run up to my room. I can hear his feet pounding on the floor close behind me. I finally reach my room, and vault over the bed, grabbing the sharp and deadly knife in the process. He comes into my room a few seconds after me, but stops when he sees the knife gleaming dully in my hand. He looks at me with wide, questioning and unbelieving eyes; my only answer is a desperate but cold smile.  
  
A/N: yes, this is a true story. Question for my wonderful reviewers (I'm not being sarcastic- I love you guys!): if this is a true story, why ask if Mimi dies? I'm still alive, believe it or not, and terribly and incredibly sane. ^_^ don't worry, it gets happier! This is my life, and my life is no longer sad or depressing! (except for when I run out of mountain dew. *sniffle* I'm getting sad just thinking about that. ^^;) 


	3. ch3

Matt stares at the knife in my hand with something akin to fear in his eyes. The sense of power drives my cold smile to get even more cynical.  
  
"What's wrong Matt, afraid you'll be blamed for my death?" I ask as I bring the knife to press against my right wrist. A stray thought wanders through my mind: I'll bet he probably never even noticed that I'm left handed. He looks up at my tear-streaked face and his azure eyes wander over my face desperately. I can see the thoughts racing in his head. He opens his mouth, and for a brief moment, I hope that he's going to admit his undying love for me. Shyeah, right.  
  
"Mimi, don't do it. Please, I... God, what would your family say? What about your friends? " He asks me. I stare at him stupefied. A single tear races down my cheek and his eyes follow it's trek till it falls off my chin.  
  
"But Matt... I thought you were my friend." I whisper hoarsely, my anger forgotten. Instead, an empty feeling fills me. He looks down at the ground; his hair hides my view of his face. When he looks back up, his eyes are glistening and something that resembles a tear courses down his cheek.  
  
"Yamato...?" I ask, slightly perturbed that I made him cry. Key word, slightly. After all, I was about to kill myself because of his ass. I cringe a bit at the smile that has appeared on his face. It's so cold... what's he thinking?  
  
"Mimi, do you really plan on using that? What happened to little princess Mimi who was scared of getting hurt? You can't even get a paper cut without whining that it hurts. How are you gonna use that? It hurts way more than any little paper cut, I'll tell you that." He says, moving closer to me. I jerk back, despite the fact that my bed is in between us. He's close... too close. It's too late though, he jumps over the bed and grabs me. I bite back a cry as his actions bring me to press the knife harder against my wrist. Too late... blood appears around the blade and I pull it away to stare in fascinated horror as the blood starts to crawl down my forearm. Too late...  
  
"Shit!" he swears. He makes a grab for the knife, and in the process, cuts himself along his palm. No matter, he has it now. He tosses it across the room, and I watch in reverence as it embeds itself in one of my teddy bears' head. I'm slightly aware that he's talking to me, but I only catch the tail end of his sentence.  
  
"...gotta stop the flow before you loose too much. Mimi! Snap out of it!" he exclaims, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I look down... blood. Too late, I think. He's holding me, pulling me out of my room. He asks me where the bathroom is, and I mutely point him in the direction, belatedly realizing that I'm supposed to be mad at him. I pull away from his arms, my own right arm now falling limply to my side. Numb... too late. He looks at me, bewilderment written plainly across his lovely face. I study him... my blood is smeared on his shirt.  
  
"You have blood on you, Yamato." He glances down, and upon seeing the blood, he grimaces. He looks back up again, but I'm already heading back to my room. Walking past it, I pick the knife up from it's new home in my teddy bear, and sit on my bed. I let the blade wander idly along my arm, drawing pictures on it, and watch in enthrallment as more blood appears on my pale skin. Matt comes in, and pulls the knife, again, from my grasp.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He cries, again, tossing the knife at my teddy bear collection. He presses a towel against my arm, now having more deep wounds to worry about. Too late... I voice this to him.  
  
"You're too late, Yamato." I say, entirely too calm, considering the situation. "Too late..." He stares, aghast at my words, then shakes his head fervently. I can see the tears budding in his eyes, which brings some to my own.  
  
"No, I won't lose you. You mean too much to me." He says, averting his gaze from mine, as his hand lightly squeezes my own. "Mimi, you're my best friend. I can't lose you now, not when so much is going on. We're gonna graduate in a year, Meems." He looks up at me and a few tears fall down his cheeks. I brush them away gently with my left hand, as my right is still being held by his own. "Who's gonna sit next to me and crack jokes with me at graduation? Mimi, you apart of our group. We'd fall apart without you. I... I'd fall apart without you, Mimi." He cups my cheek with his left hand (his right hand is holding the towel on my arm), and presses his forehead against mine. He smiles slightly, then leans in and brushes my lips with his. Maybe it wasn't too late...  
  
***  
  
This is not the end!! Yeah! I had such a horrible time writing this- I didn't really want to remember it. It's still a bit painful, and what with graduating and all, well, yeah. That's still no excuse. Sorry!! Next chappy will be out soon, I promise!! 


End file.
